Music, film and literature – three beautiful things I am
addicted to that make me genuinely want to cry and smile at the same exact
time. Music especially. Acoustic music, with a more folksy feel, make my heart
melt but also make my blood surge – score music does this also. It’s the
weirdest feeling. I say it makes me want to cry but I don’t know if that is
true, it is just this powerful overwhelming feeling I associate with tears…
The feeling is both exhilarating and puts this fire in my
veins that gives you that need to jump up and do something, yet it is also
incapacitating. When I listen to a beautifully sang, incredible song I get this
urge to just lay back and breathe. I also feel a gripping sadness. I think it
is because of this conflict that comes with wanting to go out to the world and
explore with the need to conform to the rules of life, go to university, find a
job, live how every other civilised human lives. You know you can’t do what
your heart and soul wants you to do; there are too many commitments and strings
that are pulling you down, strapping you to reality.
My want to walk out of my house one morning, go to the hidden
away fields tucked just out of sight near to my little Canterbury estate, that
only a handful of people know about, and just walk, and never turn back. Just
go – leave everything behind and live a new and exciting, conforming life. Not
needing anybody and nobody needing me.
I think this is why the film The Darjeeling Limited by Wes
Anderson is so beautiful to me. It just encapsulates leaving everything behind
and connecting with yourself… okay, so in the film it is about three brothers
connecting but films are to be interpreted by the audience and what I take from
that film is the journey. I have such a longing to travel to some far off
country I know nothing about and just travel – to see the beauty that this
world really has to offer, to have the hot sun soak into my skin, or icy winds
to bite at my flesh, to smell that earthy smell of forests and grasslands. I
want to feel really alive. I want that buzz of really surviving, not just
ambling through life like I am at the moment and probably always will. I just
want to see the Earth how it was meant to be seen – how the animals see it –
how nature sees it.
I know, impossible dreams that will never be reality. I just want
to explore. I just want the courage and lack of commitment needed to just hop
on a train to anywhere – even Edinburgh or jump on a ferry to Ireland –
somewhere new and exciting that is more adventurous than Canterbury or
Leicester.
I really do love music, I have a need for music, but it does depress me. Almost physically sometimes. Yet it also makes me emote in ways I can’t even describe. If I ever do write any fiction that is worthy of being published then it will be music that has made that possible. Even getting through university would be impossible without music. I’m not going to say music is my life, I don’t really have a true ‘so and so is my life’ statement. I guess I could say ‘Animals are my life’ as living without my passion for animals is just too unthinkable to consider as a possibility, I couldn’t imagine myself not having animals in my life – my interest, my want to be around them… my want to help them. They deserve so much more respect than they get, but that is a blog for another time. Actually, that reminds me of the blog I had planned to write today – maybe later on this week I’ll get around to that one.
Also, here is an example of one of the pieces of music that makes me feel all those things I described above: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLUaKyQGxuo - which you know, well done to Hans Zimmer, because I guarantee that is what he was going for when he created this.
Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSN-vrQ41Ak - just her voice - it is incredible.
