So I have always been an incredibly insecure person. I never
believed anyone actually liked me or wanted to be my friend, and the idea of a
penis wielder wanting to date me was just unfathomable. Over the last few years
however I’ve slowly shed that insecure past self and have become the person I
am today. A happy person. A confident person. I still have my moments but on
the whole I generally feel pretty happy with who I am. I know who my friends
are, I know that when I leave Canterbury I will be missed and that breaks my
heart but it is also reassuring that the bonds I have created are true and will
last. I know that some oddball guys do apparently find me attractive and I know
that I have a lot to offer someone if they want it, and if I want them. I know
that people trust me, and I know that their trust is very well placed. I know
what I like, I know what I need from those around me, I know what I am good at
and I know what I am bad at. It is safe to say that I know who I am and I am
happy with who I am. Also this realisation has only come this last week – or rather
it has finally meshed together this last week, it has been brewing for some
time.
This is a tiny blog post but I just wanted to put it out
there on the interwebs because I want people to know that you can be happy even
if you are alone, or single – because no one is truly alone, although it can
desperately feel like you are. I have flirted with courtship, courted with
potential, I have been the bad guy and I have been screwed over… and my status
presently is me, myself and I. You can be happy without having a job – I am at
that lovely stage of life where I am graduating from my obscure degree with no
real job prospects because nobody is hiring, and all of my experience is so
tailored to the role I want that it’s not really going to help me in any other
field. You can be happy even if things aren’t going the way you planned – my
grades this term haven’t exactly been as impressive as one would hope. And you
can be happy if you are a weirdo – which I have been told that I am on so many
occasions these last few weeks that I am beginning to believe it ;)
If you are able to accept your flaws, acknowledge your
strengths and just be you, well then you can be happy no matter what the
context.
Sometimes shitty things happen or you feel completely sucker
punched by life, but it does seem to be those moments that prelude the state of
happiness that I am currently experiencing – the happiness that comes with
self-acceptance. So yeah, cliché and probably super unhelpful but soz – I just
wanted to share.
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