The next blog will be happy I promise!

My father is a pessimist and my mother is a worrying optimist. Sometimes I feel I have inherited a little bit of both from my parents – the pessimistic tendencies of my Dad bundled up in the tangle of worry from my Mum. On my dark days that is definitely how it is. Dark days, I wonder if everybody has dark days. Not just days when you feel a little bit down but truly dark. Deep, depressing thoughts that batter your soul then sit on her crumpled form with a malicious grin spreading across their face. I’ve been having quite a few of these days recently.

I can’t help but often feel I am wasting my potential for life. As a child you are born and you are literally a bundle of consciousness that could become anything. And then normality happens. There are great people in this world and then there are Pawns. Most of us fall into that latter half category and I see myself plodding along amongst the other normal folk and I feel a deep regret rip through me. I don’t want to be nothingness; I don’t want to be special either… I just want to be something more.

But as a pretty much talentless person that isn’t super tall or skinny or beautiful, I can’t really see this happening. I can’t act, sing or dance. I’m not incredibly intelligent or creative. My greatest talent I guess is my ability to understand dog behaviour, animal care in general, and maybe blag myself out of an awkward situation. I love to write, and I think I sometimes have snippets of good writing however they are merely that, snippets – not novel, screenplay or even short story worthy. 

It’s good to have a dream though, I guess.